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What is the 4th of July? Is it BBQ
Day? Is it Fireworks Day? A reason for your neighbors to get drunk?
Yes to all 3 of course!
But it is also the day we commemorate the signing
of the Declaration of Independence.
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hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created
equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain
unalienable rights, that among these are life,
liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
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When I was a kid, the pursuit of happiness meant one thing - fireworks.
How could I get my hands on the most dangerous fireworks possible...and
how could I keep my parents from finding out?
Sadly, because I grew up in California, we couldn't buy any of
the 'good' fireworks. Just the safe and sane ones. 'Safe
and Sane.' When I was a kid I hated those words, the
direct translation in my head was 'boring fireworks your grandmother
would approve of.' I hated the person who came up with this concept.
But when I was a kid, the 4th of July was not
be the best holiday. For me the best holiday was the 5th
of July. The day after...
 I
would get on my bike early in the morning, at about 6:00 am, when
the sun was first coming up. I would ride all around the neighborhood
looking for fireworks that didn't go off the night before- specifically,
firecrackers that didn't go off. I would ride around looking
for the houses with the most beer bottles out in front, assuming
that they were the most likely to have had a bunch of illegal (good)
fireworks at their party. I would scour the ground, looking for
firecrackers. Once I even found an entire package of unused firecrackers...I
think that was the best day of my entire life up until that point.
(It is probably still in the top 10)
I became an expert at gauging the length of a fuse, and knowing
if I could light it, and throw it in time before it blew up. Because
firecrackers are something you want to THROW, not just light on
the ground and run away. (Unless you're a sissy)
When I was about 9 years old I had found a good crop of firecrackers,
and my friends and I spent most of the morning coming up with interesting
ways to demonstrate their destructive force. At the end of the morning
we only had one firecracker left- one with a very short fuse. I
was on gunpowder rush, and there was no way I would let this go
to waste, so I conceived a brilliant plan: I would light the firecracker
on our kitchen stove, and throw it out the window as fast as I could.
It seemed like a pretty solid plan at the time.
Well, I lit the firecracker, and brought my hand back to throw
it out the window. POW! The firecracker
blew up in my hand, right next to my ear. My hand hurt like hell,
I had burns on my thumb and forefinger, my ears were ringing, and
my friends were standing there half in horror, and half laughing
their 9 year old asses off. Then I heard it- "KARL!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Oh crap! I didn't even know
my mom was at home! She came storming into the kitchen, yelling
at me, "ARE YOU LIGHTING FIRECRACKERS?!?" Of course I
denied it- even though the kitchen was full of smoke, and little
pieces of red and white paper from the firecracker wrapper were
still fluttering down.
I honestly don't remember what happened that day- what my punishment
was But I think my mom was more interested in having me out of the
house, than keeping me inside. So maybe she whacked me with a wooden
spoon or something. Keeping me inside would have been far worse
for both of us.
But I do remember when my fascination with fireworks finally started
to simmer down. I had a friend named Ronny who used to be as obsessed
with fireworks as I was. One day the kids on my street saw smoke
up in the sky, so we all hopped on our bikes and rode like maniacs
to see what was going on. We got to the source of the smoke at about
the same time as the fire trucks...there was a house on fire, It
was Ronny's house. We watched for about an hour as it burned
to the ground (maybe the second most exciting thing to happen that
summer). The word got out pretty quick, the fire was caused by a
kid playing with fireworks. Ronny burnt down his own house.
We didn't see much of Ronny anymore. His family moved away before
the house was re-built. But my friends and I had many conversations
about the incident. We would frequently wonder: "Would it suck
more to burn down someone else's house, or to burn down your own?"
We decided that your parents would be a lot more pissed off if you
burnt down your own house, so that would suck more. We would talk
about this all throughout the summer, between games of Monopoly
in Billy Macintosh's garage.
So kids- the moral of the story is- don't be like Ronny.
Illegal fireworks are dangerous. Convince your dad to move
to Indiana, where EVERYTHING is legal...Because if it's
legal, you know it's safe!
In Woodland, the official 4th of July festivities
started out with a 5k, or 10k Walk/run (your choice...most people
walked.) It started at Pioneer Park, and wound through the neighborhood
in the South East corner of town.
Father/Daughter quad stretch.
This is Peggy and Penny. Peggy, the
one in the Sparkly hat, was all excited because she just bought
a brand new baby-blue Vespa motorscooter. "It will go maybe
55 miles per hour," she said. I had visions in my head of her
flying through town on her Vespa, wearing a sparkly helmet that
matched her sparkly hat. And all of the other ladies were jealous
in their Buick Skylarks. I asked Peggy why she was at the walk,
instead of out on her Vespa- she pointed to Penny and said, "she
MADE me walk!" Both ladies work at Woodland Health Care
in patient services.
I love dogs...and I really love patriotic dogs.
I painted my dog one year, but it just didn't come out very well.
Woodland Mayor, Matt Rexroad came out for the run.
I interviewed Matt via e-mail- this is how it
went:
Do you shave your head?
I do shave my head.
If you didn't shave your head, how bald would you be?
I am not sure how bald I would
be. I shave it before I find out.
How often do you shave your head?
I shave my head probably three
times a week. My wife inspects it.
What food item do you think your head is shaped like?
- potato
- egg
- biscuit
- pumpkin
- watermelon
- mango
- peanut
(Matt) Most
Marines refer to their heads as “melons”. So of the
choices I will go with watermelon.
I later saw this family at the pancake breakfast- they had changed
into the t-shirts they got at the run. When I saw them, they were
running,
pushing strollers.
This lady was putting little plastic flags up in her cul-de-sac.
She paced out a certain number of steps between the flags to make
sure they were all evenly spaced.
Unfortunately I didn't get their names, but their dog (very top
picture) is named 'Sadie.'
It took me a while to figure out that C.O.W. was
City Of Woodland. I think this dog figured it out
before I did.
After the walk/run, there was a pancake breakfast
at the firehouse on Pioneer. The proceeds went to benefit the Woodland
Music Boosters.
Will they grow up thinking about 'fire engine yellow-green?'
The firemen were out making breakfast. $3 for pancakes and sausage.
This was pretty good, much better than the burnt pancakes at the
Stroll Through History.
But then again, firemen don't like anything to be burnt...ha ha
ha...
Mmmm...the little bubbles mean that it is time to turn them over.
Wow - a whole bunch of perfect pancakes..
In England, they call these 'American Pancakes.'
I'm sure they sit around eating muffins in the morning
and wonder why we call them 'English Muffins.' Unlike the French,
who sit around eating
Freedom Fries wondering how to get back into the game.
Whoops...they can't all be perfect.
Dude..that would make the perfect 'breakfast taco'...
Mine were all perfect though..
I saw this bunch of guys walking down Main Street...
I asked them, "Who are you guys?"
They told me - "We're just Patriots."
| Second Amendment to the Constitution: |
A well regulated Militia, being necessary
to the security of a free State,
the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be
infringed. |
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